I find myself conflicted. The more I think about my individual self, the worse it gets. Who am I? I have no answers. Am I the self I truly wish to be, or am I only what others will accept? I hunger. I hate. I envy. I lust. I need. I seek. Only basic facts I know of myself. Oh, to answer that question. To know. For I know that no one ever truly knows all of their self, but most at least have some understanding. But I cannot fathom one. Every time I find an answer, I reject it. I know that I am afraid to know the truth. For the me that I am could very likely be a lie. A stranger.
More and more I catch myself envying others. Especially those in intimate relationships or those with close friends. I want what they have. And I hate it. I never want to be dependent on others. Others will leave. And hurt. I only have myself to depend on. But still I lust for it. This makes me rage inside. The beast prowls, pushes itself against the bars of the cage and they bend. Such stupid, hypocritical thoughts. I do not want them. I will not allow others to break me like how I have seen it happen to others. I think them for fools. The snotty little hypocrite I am. I do not need others. Besides the end is absolute. And I will die alone.
Lesson 2: Everyone dies alone.
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